As I always do, since it was Monday morning, I pulled some tarot cards, as part of my getting ready for the week. I was still in that dreamy post-excellent-weekend state, coasting on all the time spent with friends and time outside in the garden, and with my nose in a book, in that quiet in-between state: knowing that there was probably a lot to do this week, and yet not having looked at the To Do list I’d left myself on Friday afternoon or even looked at my email yet.

It was that peaceful pause where I could still think about what I wanted most to accomplish this week, what was most important, before my own priorities got swamped by the onrushing tide of electronic messages.

As always, a perfect time to consult the tarot.

Wait, you may be asking: why tarot? Because tarot is a great tool for insight, such an easy, quick way to tap into what’s essential, to connect with what I may already know or be feeling but not be aware of. Sometimes that stuff I can’t see is driving me. So much better to bring it into the light of day.

This Monday I went into the cards as always seeking insight into what was really going on for me and what was the most important thing for me to know about this week.

So that 6 of Pentacles that came up, in response to the question in my mind, with its image of a person outside a castle distributing alms to two beggars with outstretched hands, hmmmm, right away brought to mind that what’s required to be able to give, to be charitable, is a feeling, a knowing that there’s enough, so that you can open your clenched fist and let the coins fall into other hands. In his left, non-alms-distributing hand, the charitable person on the card holds a scale in perfect balance. That scale, when I saw it, had me thinking about how money flows like the energy it truly is, when we are at peace with it, in balance in our relationship to it.

So who’s the charitable guy? Who’re the beggars?

Reflecting on the peace in that card, the balance, made me realize just how unpeaceful and unbalanced I’d been feeling lately. It made me realize the extent to which I’d been carrying around some bad feeling and anxiety about money especially recently. The way I was a clenched fist, hanging on. I hadn’t realized, or verbalized, until the moment I saw that card, that for a couple of weeks, I’d had this low-level worry. Especially since it’s fourth quarter now, and since I just cancelled a program that was part of getting me to the financial goals I’d set for the year, yeah, I had a little bit of blech under everything, some little money-sorrow undercutting every day.

But I want to be the charitable guy, I thought. I want to be beyond the battlements, hand open, relaxed, secure. Hell, I’d even settle for being the beggar guys, hands open, receiving.

So be it.

So often it’s the story we tell ourselves about the money that’s doing all of the spinning of our heads. It has nothing to do with the money itself. And that story is something we control, if we can remember that, if we have a prompt, maybe a card, to bump us out of a habit, a funk we’ve fallen into.

That story had me completely missing what’s truly happened already this year, the leaps and bounds in my business, the gains in impact and reach and, yes, dollars, compared to last. I got so caught up in flogging myself toward a goal that I totally couldn’t see beyond the ramparts, let alone go beyond them.

This week, what’s important? For me, anyway, peace with my money. Peace. Being easy with it, not grabby, doing my work and knowing that more is coming.The story is ours to write. Write one that serves you. Make peace with your numbers.